Hello,

I'm the XLR cable you have been using for the last two years.  You've hooked me up to direct boxes.  You've hooked me up with microphones.  You tried hooking me up with that RCA cable but we just weren't compatible.  You've used me for so long, but I just don't feel you know me.  Let me introduce myself.

First, I think of myself as very well-balanced but a little twisted.  I have two main wires that are my hot and cold lines.  These two lines are twisted around each other. I'm not saying I'm all knotted up on the inside!  I'm just a little twisted.  I'll tell you why I'm twisted very soon.

I'm well balanced because those two twisted lines run 180 degrees out of phase from each other.  Think of it like this, it's as if I carry a mirror image of what you tell me.  If interference enters my wires, the place where my input enters your system, a little magic takes place.  Those images are compared and where something is different between images, that gets eliminated.  In truth, it's all about sound waves with a dash of math but it's too early in the morning for me to go into that much detail.

Between the twisting, my wire shielding, and my balanced lines, I don't take a lot of interference from anyone.

I'm also well grounded.  Deep inside of me, I have a wire that runs throughout me, connecting me to your grounding system. 

I'm also always on the level, low impedance level that is.  My impedance (no, not the medical disorder) is around 200 ohms. Therefore, I'm less susceptible to electromagnetic interference and radio frequency interference problems.

I do have a tender spot.  Remember the Tin Man from the Wizard of Oz?  He looked great but without oil, he rusted up.  And he was tin, so a few taps with a hammer and he'd be ready for recycling.  I'm made of plastic, rubber, and metal.  Yes, I'm pretty durable but it's not because I want you tugging on me or rolling your bass amp over my guts.  So please, don't step on me, don't roll stuff over me, don't get me wet, and don't drop stuff on me.  And whatever you do, please please don't roll me up in a tight coil.  I have a natural bend so coil me lighting and rightly with that bend, with a 1 foot diameter.  I don't want to look like your mother's vacuum cleaner cord all tangled and nasty.

Whatever you do, please take care of me.  I need an annual checkup.  Heck, I need a monthly checkup!  It's really simple.  Take that cable tester you've been meaning to use and plug my ends into it.  That little box will tell you if I'm healthy or if I've got a few loose wires.  If something's wrong, you can either fix me with a little soldering, a new connector, or if you must, send me on my way.  I won't take it personally. 

I hope you've learned a little more about me, your 12 foot XLR cable.  I'll be coiled up in the back room if you need me.  Oh, tell your guitarist he makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside.