Top Ten Types of People in the Pews

The sound booth is a great place for a sociological study of church attendees.  After many years of observation, at more than one church, here are the top ten types of people occupying the church pews.

Well, maybe the top ten worth mentioning in a "humor" post… :)


  1. Clickers.  They talk with the same group of people every Sunday.  They typically sit together as well.  You're likely to find them at the same restaurant after church.
  2. Reservists.  They are almost militaristic in their work of reserving the same seats each Sunday.  They will even move another person's "reservation-by-church-bulletin" markers so they can occupy the same row and seats each AND EVERY Sunday.
  3. Communication Specialists.  They must be specialists in this area because they talk throughout the service.  It might be a comment on the sermon or equally likely a comment about what they did last week.
  4. Narcoleptics.  The sleepers.  The pastor starts preaching and they are out like a light.
  5. Visitors.  Usually walk around with the deer-in-headlights look and ultimately sit in the back of the sanctuary.  
  6. Artists.  The bulletin is their canvas.  They might draw stick figures or elaborate landscapes.  Don't be fooled into thinking they are note-taking.  
  7. Socialites.  The texters, the twitterers, and the "I'm-physically-connected-to-my-iphone" people always have their head down in the leave-me-alone-I'm-praying position but in fact are reading facebook updates.
  8. Task Masters.  These people show up right before the service starts and leave as soon as it's over.  Attending church isn't a part of their lives; it's a task on their day planner.  Pray for them.
  9. Celebrities.  They ALWAYS come in late.  I'm not talking 2 minutes; I'm talking 10 minutes or more.  No matter what excuse they have, it amounts to "we are more important than this church."
  10. Zoo Keepers.  My heart goes out to these people.  They come in as a group.  There are commonly known as "a family with young kids."  They spend time during each service trying to keep their kids quiet.  I've been a zoo keeper myself.   Pass the coloring pages, please.

Question: What Other Types of People Do You See?

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